Wednesday, October 17, 2007

My Rainbow Amidst Clouds

Ok - I had some pretty concerned folks out there, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave any cryptic messages on the blog. I simply wanted to leave a little memorial for a close friend w/out boring everyone with the details. I can see where you might have gotten concerned and for being a friend and checking in w/ me to make sure I'm ok - I thank you.

Typically around this time of year I have overwhelming memories and dreams of a friend I had in highschool. He had a troubled family life - he was angry and often in turmoil and my parents always warned that it would be my demise if I continued to be associated with him. He was one of my closest friends and we stayed in contact long after highschool. It was one of those relationships were you had each others back no matter what - and in the right time & place - could have flourished into something much more - it simply never did - and there was just an understanding that we were special to one another, period.

After several years of E.R. visits for stitches/bar fightsa/countless late night phone calls/anger management and soul searching, he shared with me how happy he had become in recent times. He was getting help, letting go of all that anger - controlling what he could and letting go of the rest. This was a huge step for him because he simply wasn't the kind of guy to share his emotions and let things. H got help though and delt with his issues. I was so happy for him and proud of him - we held hands - we had a good cry. He was able to move on. He had even met a nice girl that he had been dating for awhile and there was mention of engagement rings, weddings and children. He wanted quite a few.)

A few weeks later - he was killed in a freak accident on the construction site where he was working. He was hit in the chest with a 15 ft peice from a crane and died from internal injuries before they could get him to the ground. I was stunned when a friend called to tell me. I cried for days. I couldn't understand and I was the angry one then. I think my belief in God was highly challenged and it took me a long time to understand what his death meant to me. I struggled beyond words to make something positive out of his loss and it often felt as if someone had just reached into my chest and ripped out my heart. Other times I'd cry until I just couldn't catch my breathe. Mark and I had just become friends and he spent countless nights consoling me and just listening to me tell stories about the crazy things we used to do. Since then, I'm sure he's heard some of those same stories several times over. It's been years since Tracy left this earth - and I still have a hard time remembering him w/out tears although I know he was finally without anger and turmoil when he passed.

After quite some time had passed - I was thinking of him and still cursing God for taking him from us - I had the realization that Tracy would never be able to fulfull those dreams he shared with me of having a wife and family. Determined to find a positive from his death - I realized I owed it to him to live out my dreams....or at least attempt them. I decided right there that I needed to head back to school to finish my degree.....I took my life back and became an active participant and I began making my plans & laying the foundation for one day crossing a finish line as an Ironman.

So - that's my story - my tribute for Tracy. In a nutshell, LIVE, make every day count and don't let a day go by without telling important people in your life how much they mean to you. Kisses, hugs, the words "I love you," should be commonplace. We don't know how much time we have here - and for those who have already passed on - well, I think we owe it to them to make our lives count and live out our dreams. If you're familiar with triathlon, you're probably familiar with the quote, "Anything is possible."

My tag line? I guess you could say I'm "Living out dreams in honor of those who can't."

I went to see Maya Angelou last night. Her message was an important one - be someone's rainbow amidst clouds..... I guess, simply put, Tracy was my rainbow.....

Thursday, October 11, 2007

In memory

Always a friend
I miss you

Monday, October 1, 2007

They have NO Clue!

My man is currently in Wyoming doing one of the things most primative and the one thing that is held most sacred among most men. He is hunting Mule Deer to add jerkey in our freezer and more than likely - if the rack even comes close to Boone & Crocket standards, I'll have another head mounted on the basement wall. Please hun - don't take into consideration that our cat won't dare even show it's head in the basement any longer.... Please - oh Please - can you blow another deer to smitherenes? We so do need another dead carcass on our wall.
Seriously, I don't mind them but our cat really did enjoy hanging out in the basement in order to watch all the critters outside our sliding glass door. We will often catch her peering, longingly down the stair way. Her little whiskers twitching and her long tail ever so slowly moves from side to side. She has at times been brave enough to make her way to the landing but that's as far as it gets. One sound and pffffft - up the stairs and under the bed for the rest of the day. While Thunder longs for the day she doesn't have to worry about "predators" in the basement, I on the other hand enjoy jerkey and steaks. I do have to admit though I can only take so much on the steaks, as I do not have the biggest palate for venison. Especially if it's really gamey.
While Mark was driving his way through the darkness to Wyoming - I was out whooping it up with the MN Tri Club and their end of year dinner. It was a fabulous time and it was a chance to meet some new triathletes. This picture is of myself and a girlfriend.(who by the way has sneeky speed) The helmets and signs are for one of the tri club members who had recently been involved in a bike accident. It sounds like it was one of those "quick" rides that he chose not to wear a helmet. From what I have heard though, he is doing well and is expected to have a complete recovery. The crutches are compliments of me and they are no prop.
I'm making my move this week to go crutch free. I have been trying over the weekend and the pain was a little more than expected. Today however the pain was a little more tolerable when I walked without them today at work. (1/2 day) Tomorrow - I'm living on the edge and leaving them in the car and goin' all day baby! (well, at least I'll try) I have been spinning 10-15 minute increments with no resistance and should be able to hit the pool in another 2 weeks. Oh - will that pool be a WELCOME sight. Most of the time I dread going to the pool - but sittin' on the couch gaining 5 lbs/day just WATCHING the Foodnetwork is not working too well for me. It will be 3-6 mo's though before I can even THINK about hittin' the pavement with my running shoes. While running is probably my least favorite of triathlon, I miss the time it has afforded me to process the days/weeks events. While the short runs have never allowed me much time to think about more than the hills/path in front of me - the long grueling runs are the ones that allowed me to sort out the events that unfolded the days prior. Those extra long runs are also special time between me and the "big guy." (or big girl - whichever you prefer). Those are the runs I miss most since I really have not committed to a church since I've moved to the Twin Cities. I'm not sure why I haven't but maybe this down time will be reason enough to take the search a little more seriously.
I'm enjoying my new job. The people are very nice. I'm still working my way through the myriad of paperwork and orientation which is expected for the first few days of a new company but am hopeful I can begin to delve into work shortly. I'm happy with my decision to move.